Avoidance
Or procrastination, whatever you want to call it. I’ve got a final in less than 2 hour, but I’m writing this instead of studying for it. I was suppose to go to finite, but I haven’t gone to class in over a week. Going to a class four times a week is bit much I think, but I should have been able to do like half, but just didn’t feel like it. I’m so lazy now, how will I ever complete 4 classes over the summer. Why did I think I would? Ugh, sometimes I just suck at impulse decisions…
I bought whole bunch of AMD at $33 because of my single stroke of luck netted me $50 (after commissions) for about 10 minutes of work one day and I though I would do it again. Except this time, I’m down by hundreds. I suppose at least it’s not thousands and I’m not overly desperate for cash. Unfortunately, my mom and her friend follow my steps to purchase this stock and it has been dropping since! Though, I never told them to buy any, I don’t know enough about this whole stock thing, but now I’ve got way to much money tied into it. My other stock I’ve been buying is WWY or Wrigley, it’s been doing so awesome the past 2 days, but I literally own a small tiny pinch of shares. Argg, if only I had bought WWY instead of AMD, I would be highly in the green on my portfolio or black for those traditionalist instead of the red…
So I’m in the red, along with a massively huge credit card bill because I charged my summer tuition and a mini spending spree, the latter of which isn’t even on this statement. Well, at least Friday is payday! I’ll not see a penny, all going to bills, bills, and more bills. Need to cut back on the spending. Need a room mate too, I’ve got a flyer made, but I don’t want to put them up. I like being able to do what I do now, I mean a roommate wouldn’t hinder it so much, but maybe…. Ehh don’t know…
So speaking of avoidance…. I still have trouble making this decision and I avoid it…for months I’ve avoid it or him I guess… Then he comes to me, well not really, but he is there and I know he is there. I’m going back to avoiding because I can’t decide what it should be. Should I just avoid forever and forget it all or can I handle him, just a tiny bit of him? Do I really want to deal with all that if I can easily avoid it all? What benefit for me is there for me to deal? Then I worry of what I lose if I do avoid… Wondering what could of and should of … Can’t live life like that… The time seems better this time because I actually know what I can do, I know I can be self sufficient and not have to depend on him. Where as, two years ago I wasn’t so sure and I was scared of where it would lead me if I choose to just drop everything. Well not everything, but a lot… Of course now I’m stuck not being able to drop anything. Well, I could, but I can’t seem to let myself do it. Trapped in my own freedom, irony at its best…