Can’t sleep…
Got to work be at work at 9 and well I can’t sleep… This whole Dave thing is still getting to me. Things were going so well when we didn’t talk, where I blocked him out. Just the occasional thought of him as certain songs played… Why didn’t I just keep it that way? Now this whole can of worms is opened… I hate me for thinking the way I do, but I seriously can’t change. If I’ve been wrong by someone, I’ll hold it against them forever. If I were in a desert with water and the girl that fucking messed with me elementary school was dying of thirst, I’d tell her to fuck off and eat sand. It’s terrible person to be…
I know full well I can’t ever be with Dave regardless of the nastiness mentioned here repeatedly. We are to alike and to different at the same time. That means we should be striking some balance, but we are such extremes that we don’t. I think I’m fucking humble, but he thinks I place myself on some sort of pedestal. I’ve worked for everything I have today, not many kids can say the same. Not just because I can, but because I’ve had to… The competitive edge would drive us apart in time anyhow. That’s not something isolated to Dave though, basically anything you can do I can do better… Both of us are in the IT field, but do relatively different work… As a female in the IT world, I’ve always felt the need to do the extra push to prove myself. With him, I would have to do it all the time. If he got a decent job, I would have to get a better job. If he did such and such thing, I would have to the such and such thing, but better (almost wanted to say gooder..haha). My mind just functions like that… Then the thing where I feel like I can’t ever trust him like I once did. Trust is built in many steps, but one step backwards and you lose it all. Or it goes something like that…
I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart
Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through
Yeah
I pictured I could bring you back
I pictured I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go
Yeah
Yeah
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing, nothing at all
Nothing at all