the times of kryptoniteglows

I’m feeling like crap, probably lack of sleep. I woke up today with no alarm, which is hella surprising because initially I thought oh shit I must of missed class and my test because my cell phone’s alarm sucks. My Nokias may have been old school but at least the alarm was decent and actually worked like a real alarm clock. Well, test didn’t go so well, it wasn’t like I didn’t know it, just didn’t have enough time to think it through, used combinations instead of permutations because well I just got confused at the end, scrambled to write something down and hope for a point or two. Of course just as I head out, I realize my error… It’s fucking freezing and I forgot to bring some thermals to keep me warm on my bike rides.

I came home and just kinda lost track of time, ended up being rather late to work : /. It’s not ok, but at the same time there are so many times that I work during lunch or after my shift so it’s kinda like being even. And apparently I did twice as many tickets as the next highest person, wow… Well, that’s always how it is, so I think I’ve really reached the end of the rope at his job. Time for a new one? Though I’m lazy and don’t want to interview and don’t think I’m going to do a long commute. If I did the long commute, I could earn literally twice as much as I am now. But, it would be a formal business stiff environment which I’m not totally into right now, maybe after graduation for the right offer ;).

I’m tired and I have 8 am class, but yet I still can’t sleep. The uneasy issue of patching things up has got me all agitated and stressed out inside. A little depressed as I think of what once was and what is now. But there is no fucking reason for me to be sad and yet I just am almost at the verge of tears.

I need some endorphins, so I’m going to try to make some time for the gym tomorrow or a jog. Plus I’m getting fatter, my on so perfect jeans don’t fit and the overly obese jeans that I hated fit a bit snug. So definitely some exercise tomorrow….

sleepy time…zzzzzz

So wow, I almost wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t witnessed it myself tonight, 2 friends that I would say literally hated each other’s guts made good with each other. Still in the dark about the final details, but it’s still amazing to see that happen and if all went well, then I won’t have to feel torn apart between the two. The source of their conflict was just a girl, I won’t say what I think of her, but this is why I can’t stand girls.

So it’s got me thinking about some things I need to patch up sorta… There is no real reason to and I’ve been out of contact with them for months. I should just move on with, but at the same time, things feel unresolved and I find it hard to just move on it. I wish I could, but it’s an uneasy feeling inside because of the way things are. I can keep avoiding them and keep feeling this way, but I could talk to them and fix whatever this is up and maybe the feeling of unsettledness will go away? I’m just not sure if we talk, if it will really fix everything and if it doesn’t then I really put myself out there which would probably make me more uneasy. So is it worth it or not? I really the only one that can answer that, but I seriously just don’t know….

I also can’t quite decide between doing study abroad this year or next and if I should go to Europe or Australia. The Australia trip does cost a bit more, but it seems like it would be more fun of a trip. On the other hand, I have family in Australia so I could probably make that trip sometime later. Europe seems like it is interesting, but it’s probably just like America with an accent and bad teeth… The Europe trip does seem more scholarly focused, which is what study abroad is suppose to be, right? Watch me with all this indecisiveness end up Japan.

I’ve got so many exams coming up, finite test first thing Monday, ugh… I haven’t even studied and I haven’t really been awake for class. History test is coming soon too, seems I learn better if I go to the lecture then read the assigned chapter, it makes more sense than reading it straight thru as it just goes in and goes out like that. My networking class is a review of my high school course, a good gpa boost I guess. Then I’ve that accounting class that is insane, we meet with freaking graduate students in our class! A test very soon in that class too. I’m so behind in my XML class, 3 weeks in and I’ve hardly cracked the book. I spent so much time with my schema and it still doesn’t validate! GRRRR!

Anyhow, it’s time for a movie then dozing off to sleepy land. Tomorrow I’ll have to take my brother back home, do laundry, and shopping! Also, let’s not forget the studying for math and doing some catch up work in like all of my classes. I should of done those today, but I’m such a procrastinator.

Yea, so shit, stuff I make up at 3 am don’t make much sense. I totally slept in today and missed the whole company meeting, I actually did get up prior to the meeting but my bed felt so good I just went back into my little cocoon of warm blankets. I didn’t go to sleep until 5 am because I just had to watch some CSI. I need to get the complete season dvds of those instead of watching them all just whenever.

It’s so awesome to actually have a 2 day weekend of no work and no school. Well, eventually I’m going to have to get on the school work. I spent hours on an XML schema that doesn’t validate! So I guess I do suck at anything code wise, but that’s what I hire people for ;).

My room is an insane mess because I moved stuff around to put in my new desk so I can actually sit down and do work/school stuff. I’m not much of a builder person, I’ll build stuff and leave out parts. Like my book case came apart when I moved it to make way for the desk. Also, I had my brother build the desk and a lamp I got because well I don’t want stuff to fall apart and I’m just so damn lazy. I’ll have to give him twenty bucks or something for his work. Plus he did my dishes… poor lad always doing dishes. I do have a dish washer….that I don’t know how to use. It’s just there taking up space. My kitchen seems a bit tinier than before because I buy so much stuff. I have something like ten boxes of cereal, because I just retarded like that. Well, they were on sale, but then another store had a better sale and they had TOYS! I remember being a little kid and just wanting the stupid little toy inside the cereal even if it tasted like crap! A little more reminisce, on the boxes of cereal is a little tiny logo at the bottom corner on the panel with the nutrition facts or that opposite panel. The little logo resembles something like a 50 pound bag of flour, when I was little I always thought it meant that the box had a toy inside…. Silly me, now a days I think it’s just the logo of union at the factory that made the cereal, much more reasonable than there is a toy inside…

I have so much stuff in my room, a computer with a bunch of stuff and then a second computer that is waiting to be built. I’m kind of in debate over a new computer, because I just bought one last year, there is no reason to really build a new one especially when the computer does everything I have ever asked it to do. The only advantage will be that I can play some more intense games, which I’ll probably never do because I never have the time. Heck, I don’t even have the time to be typing this up, but I just waste time, all the time.

I’ve got just about everything I need for my room, but I still need to go home and get my computer chair. Right now I’m using a leather massage chair, just a little awkward… I even ordered a new computer the other day to replace the one that I’m going to move here, but wouldn’t you know it. Me, being the idiot I am, I had it shipped to the wrong house! Seriously….I’m such a tard. Well, what happened was that I had to change the billing address because it had my Wilmington address, and just automatically it changed the shipping address to my new address as well (before it had the Wilmington address). I wasn’t paying enough attention to realize that. Now, who knows when I’ll get my chair since I’m never here to be able to sign for it. And once I do get it, I’ll have to take it to Wilmington to get my other chair. With all this work I’m almost about to just another one of the chairs I have in Wilmington though it’s $100+ chair : /. It is a nice damn chair, not a Lane, but nice none the less. I also really need a sofa/couch, something I can just crash on when I come home. A place to really sit and watch TV instead of on the floor in some weird position.

I even setup my wireless router, I could post while in the bathroom! I could be in the bathroom right now! But I’m not… I haven’t configured the whole thing, opening ports for this thing and that thing, I should of just brought over my other router that already has the settings and updated the MAC… Darn, thinking in hindsight. Tsk tsk… Well gonna do some homework or something like it :(.

I can never seem to have both… Once I attain power, there just seems to always be some place else that just lures me away with their money. In the end, it really is always for the money. However, being full time with benefits skews that extra money. Being “full” time makes it so much harder to walk away. I literally do live pay check to pay check, maybe if I got a roommate or two I could reduce that strain, but I just can’t see myself living with some random people.

I’m not up for sharing nor do I like it, probably one of the biggest reasons I’ve been against dorms, that and the sometimes ridiculous rules they have. I don’t want to be told what to do in my own home, so screw you RAs. I will drink till I pass out if I please. Anyhow, have the empty house, kinda regretting not getting an apartment instead, but an apartment is just like a dorm too. I guess I’m just anit-social with living with people, just can’t share. Not even an entire building…

I’ve got to figure out some things in this up coming year, the next 2 years of college are pretty critical in getting that six figure job after graduation. Without the boring office experience I hardly stand a chance, so I’m going to have to leave my current job at some point. No way will I be able to make the kind of money I want here. And I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep this job and take a month off to do study abroad. Depending on what happens, but I’m thinking Europe this winter or Australia next winter. Gotta be one or the other, suppose I could take a huge loan and do both of them, and why not? I only do college once, well undergrad college once.

I was going to go skiing today, took the day off from work and got my tickets and all of that, but now I’m not going to go skiing. Instead, I’m going to have to wake up early to attend the company meeting on my day off, how freaking ridiculous is that? I’m off from work, yet still I show for a company event. Though I might easily oversleep since it’s about 3 AM as I write this. I’m actually feeling really tired, but my body won’t let me sleep. It’s mean to me like that, it really is. Every Saturday I go to work I feel insanely F-ed up without so much as a sip of alcohol. My body punishes me for going to work on a Saturday, apparently it thinks I shouldn’t be going to work but working off the partying of Thursday and Friday…

So in summary, lots of ranting, lots of decisions that need to be carefully made so that I don’t get stuck with a sucky job forever.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Ehh, don’t got to leave the house for a few hours (I dropped my 9 AM class, data structures with C++)

2. How much cash do you have on you? Um, I’m in my PJs, but I’ll whatever I do have isn’t enough

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR”? Amanda already said floor, so I guess I have to use something else?� Whore!

4. Favorite planet? Earth, freaking live here

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile phone? Paul from work, from when he wanted to know where the hell I was…

6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone? The one I use of course, Slide – Goo Goo Dolls

7. What shirt are you wearing? I’m wearing a UD hoody that my parent’s washing machine somehow ruined and then I got paint spots on it from painting…

8. Do you “label” yourself? No I don’t not stick labels on myself, well sometimes I go to events where they have name tags that have my name on them?

9. Name the brand of shoes you’re currently wearing? Socks only, adidas

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark, I turned off the lights because I was gonna go to sleep, but insomnia…

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? We have known each other since middle school, but I don’t what to think really

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Hmm… watching tv I’ll guess, I do that a lot

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile phone say? I’m still at work

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Over the bridge thing goes over the train tracks, I go by there almost everyday on my bike hehe

16. What’s a word that you say a lot? Um, but that’s not really a word

17.Who told you he/she loved you last? Stephen

18. Last furry thing you touched? Uh, I don’t know, the insides of slippers are kinda furry?

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? None

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? Digital

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 17, much simpler times

22. Your worst enemy? None now?

23. What is your current desktop picture? Something stolen from the new Windows Visita

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? I’ll see ya

26. Do you like someone? Maybe…but I can’t say more

27. The last song you listened to? Soul meets body – death cab for cutie